you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
