Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
