you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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