how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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