i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Less talking, more tequila
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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