i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
They took my balls.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
