When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
