just tell him i said nine months
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
