I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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