Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
