I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
