So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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