a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
