My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
