I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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