How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
