the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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