youre lurking in front of me
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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