My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
