just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
