Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
