Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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