38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
