we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
