If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
