4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
