Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
