4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Randomize
