yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
i've created a new STD.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
