Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
