Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
