I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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