I bet he comes in French.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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