you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
