he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
