omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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