o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
