i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
she smelled like a LAN party
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
