Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
