Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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