Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
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Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
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After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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