Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
