Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
And the cops told us we were all naked.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
