He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
