Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
