mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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