Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
