I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
