i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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