Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
