There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
