This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
