we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
