$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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