Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
