If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
