buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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