i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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