AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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