I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
