Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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