i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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