You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
