On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
