just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
