worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
