The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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