I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
